My Story

In the last year my life has gone from one side of thespectrum to a complete different side. Through all that I have been through Ihave had a lot of opportunities to learn many things and met many people whohave touched my life. The biggest thing that has touched me is adoption. I wantto share my story of being a birth mom in an adoption process.

It starts off no different than a boy and a girl meeting. Iwas at a coffee shop when a boy caught my eye and I caught his. He came up andstarted to talk to me and we exchanged numbers. We talked a bit but I wasdating someone else at the time so I didn’t put much into it. Things didn’twork with the guy I was dating so I started to hang out with the guy I met atthe coffee shop. Things kicked off and started really good. A couple monthslater I found out I was pregnant, I was in shock. The father and I talked aboutwhat we could do and he was really excited. I told my family 3 days later andthey were all shocked and just like me had no idea what to do. My parents livedout of state and came up to help me figure things out and to move in with mysister. I started to meet with my case worker at LDS Family Services. I decidedto not tell anyone in my family besides my parents and big sister until I wasready and knew what I wanted to do. I took time from the father to myself toclear my head. We eventually broke up due and went separate ways. I started togo to church and he started to party again. We fought all the time and thestress wasn't good for me or the baby. When I was in the beginning of my secondtrimester I woke up one morning bleeding. I went to the hospital thinking I wasmiscarrying and I was so sad. The doctors said I was most likely going tomiscarriage due to stress and over working. At this point I was all for placingmy child; I wasn't expecting to have a chance of losing my baby. The thought ofnot having the choice of keeping my child and making the decision for me wasnever in my mind as happening. I realized that I needed to look into singleparenting as well as adoption. I looked into single parenting until I receivedmy answer to place my child. I had a conversation with my ex about keeping andmaking it work and the truth came out and I made my choice that night to place.I started to look at couples and get ready to meet some of them. The way eachbirth mom finds her couple is so unique and different; it is all in God's timeand specific to each birth mom.  I foundmy couple and instantly knew they were going to parent my son! I had veryspecific things that I wanted my son to grow up in, like parents in their 30s,have previously adopted kids, and have graduated from college and many more.They were all of it, even the looks he he. I met with them and wanted to tellthem right away that I chose them but decided to give myself a week to thinkabout it and that's all I gave myself. I called the adoptive mom and told her Ichose them, she was so excited and wanted to call her husband right away! Laterthat week I met them and their kids to tell them they were having a boy and Ifell more in love with them. Every time we hung out was another confirmation tome, even looking at a picture reassured me that this was my answer for me andmy son. Before I knew it I was a couple weeks out from my due date, I was soready, at least I thought I was. The last month was bitter sweet, I was souncomfortable and wanted to have this kid but at the same time this was thelast little time I had my as mine in my belly. I had 2 weeks until my due dateand just stopped working a couple days before when I woke up and my waterbroke. I was so shocked because I only had my mild period like cramping andnothing too bad. When I got to the hospital I was half way there. I had my son9 hours after I got to the hospital and after 40 minutes of pushing. He wasfinally here and I didn’t know what to do but love him and cry. I stayed in thehospital for 4 days due to some health issues and I loved every second of it. Ikept telling myself and everyone else I can sleep when I go home. I think I sleptmany 7 hours or so the whole time I was there.

The day I placed I will never forget a moment of it. It was sospecial to me and my family. I had just the right amount of time with my sonand my family to spend together. I had an adoptive mom who is a photographeroffer to come take pictures of my placement and the raw emotion of thesituation for free. I would recommend that to anyone who is doing adoption becauseas much as it hurts and how sad you are, I love my pictures and love having theactual memories to hold and look at. The placement was so natural to me and myfamily and adoptive couple. The hardest part was signing the paperwork. I haveseen my son since then and loved seeing him in his family. I get pictures oncea week or more from the couple and love it. The pain is still there and I feelit and embrace it because this process is like losing someone. You have to gothrough the grief cycle, which is okay. The first week I had at least 1 meltdown a day, some times more. I have learned so much about myself in thisjourney and want to help anyone I can and to spread the truth about adoptionfrom my angle to anyone who is willing to know. I had my birth mom supportgroup who helped me with this and answered my questions. I have the girls inthat group who were there for me and were further in the process or alreadyplaced to thank for preparing me for what was to come. If I can be half of as helpfuland loving as they were, I will fill accomplished with myself. I want to be asource for birth moms in all the stages of placing, whether be in the beginningstages of pregnancy, almost about to pop and place and after placing. I alsowant adoptive couples to be able to come to me with concerns they have goinginto adoption. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done and I willnever regret it or change it. I believe in what I did for my son to be the bestthing for him and for myself. People always say “you gave up your son?” and I simplyreply “no, he will always be my son and I gave him what I couldn’t and hedeserves the best life”. I didn’t give up my son; I gave him the best life hecould possibly have, that is a huge family to love him. The more people to loveyou the better, I think and that is what I gave him and myself. I love the newfamily I have and they are amazing people. The adoptive dad told me once “in away we are all adopted, we are God’s children and we have our earthy parents whoare simply raising us for him and that with adoption we are just joining twofamilies. We are like a blended family”. When he said this it really clickedfor me and my family because we are a blended family and I wouldn’t have mylife any other way then how it is now.

Love, T