I know Itotally slacked on my first post and it’s been a whole month since I placed. Irealized this about an hour after I put up my post. It put everything intoreality of why I’ve been feeling the way I have. I have been so emotionally upand down the last few days. Saturday was my sons 1 month birthday, cheesy tocelebrate but I feel like it is such an accomplishment for myself. In the lastmonth I have done a lot actually. I’m scarred for the next time I have a babycause ill actually have a baby and no pain meds haha. I have been to Disneylanda couple times with my pass, so yes a drive to California after having a baby,crazy!! Anyways, so today I’m feelinggood, nothing bad happened or negative. It’s been a positive day overall. Last nightwas hard, I have been struggling with the “what if” thoughts. What if I kept orwould if the birth father would have stepped up and took responsibility. I don’tregret my decision AT ALL! But I mean I’m bound to have these feelings and that’sokay to feel. My mother once told me something that made me appreciate thetears I cry. She said “for every tear youcry is one less tear your son will cry. You are saving him from so much pain”.This has gotten through the tough nights I’ve laid crying about my life andbeing upset about my situation. This sentence ran through my head when I washolding my son and crying him before I placed many times. For me it was a way Ireassured myself that i was doing the right thing and second that it was okayto feel the way I did. Every day is a new one, I lie in bed every night and knowthat what I didn’t do today I can do tomorrow or redo. Every day is a blessingand I have so much to be grateful for. I have a son, whom I may not have withme and I’m not raising but I have a healthy, loved son. I have an amazing family,who has supported and awesome friends. I am alive and healthy. I love goingoutside and just being there, whether I am just standing there or writing,taking a deep breath and appreciating life is something I do as often as I can.Life is hard, no doubt about it. You just have to learn to take what you haveand learn to love it or just deal with it in a positive way.
Love, T
"He is mine in a way that he will never be hers, yet he is hers in a way that he will never be mine, and so together, we are motherhood". Desha Wood
"He is mine in a way that he will never be hers, yet he is hers in a way that he will never be mine, and so together, we are motherhood". Desha Wood
T this is so great that you are writing about this. I'd love to hear your story. I actually didn't know anything about this but I feel honored that you would include me in knowing and reading about your experience. If you get the time to write about your feelings and what went on, I'm sure there are so many who can be inspired, as well as receive strength from it. I know a couple who have been trying for years to adopt and things have fallen through many times. I think they have lost faith in birth moms who are truly great and reading your story would give them that hope and renew their faith. Good luck and I look forward to hearing more.
ReplyDeleteHi christy,
ReplyDeleteMy story is on here. Please have your friends read this and if they have any questions tell them to write me at mygifttothem@gmail.com please do not give out my name, I am doing this as T and that's all. Thanks have a rest day.
T
T-That's right. I found your story. For some reason when I looked at it from my phone I had seen the link then when I opened it up on the computer the "white" link got hidden by the picture behind. I swear I couldn't find it but there it is! Thank you! I will definitely have them email you. Thank you! And yes, of course I will respect your privacy. Great job.
ReplyDelete